The Worst of the Worst: Volume I

“You Sold Me Out…”
Ray Davies of the Kinks.

I kind of hate to say it, but there really are some bad albums/groups/songs out there that fit in the genre of metal. My least favorite is the GLAM Metal music, which someone from Anthrax referred to GLAM as Gay Los Angeles Metal. Poison, Crue, Ratt, Cinderella, and the like are terribly wretched in excess and lack of musicianship. Still, I offer some of my least favorite hard rock and metal moments.

Kiss Dynasty, Unmasked, the Solos, and Music From The Elder are very weak. Dynasty is disco; Unmasked is horrid and misguided. The solos are really really horrible; Music From the Elder is insane: a concept album with the tendancies towards the fantasy genre--too insipid for words. Do I really consider Kiss metal; no, but there are those who do.

Alice Cooper’s Lace and Whiskey and Goes to Hell. Alice lost his sense of sick humor on both of these weak efforts. Cooper’s trademark ability to let the guitars rock are also missing. There is no reason to own these.

Anything by Everon is a waste of time and money. Everon was billed as Progressive Power metal; it sounds like Journey except Journey rocks more. That is all I need to say.

Take your pick on GLAM. This genre is also known as 80s Hair Bands. All of it stinks for the most part and was an excuse to make hard rock and metal marketable for the MTV audience. It did so, but in the process made hard rock bands look like cartoons. The best thing of the genre, I must admit, is that it pissed off some folks who decided to pick up their guitars and play: thus Metallica, Anthrax, Slayer and others who admit that they started their evolution as a result of hating GLAM or Hairband metal. This proves the point that good things can come from bad or every dark cloud has a silver lining; although I doubt the members of Slayer would like that analogy.

Later Metallica efforts have bored me. I like St. Anger; but most of the rest of the last decade’s version of Metallica has left me wishing for the past. Metallica is not the only band that has done this, but they are the most surprising.

Later Van Halen efforts have done the same as Metallica. For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (follow the first letters, kids and see what Van Halen has done for you) and one gets the idea. When I saw “Right Now” on a Pepsi commercial, it was obvious the boys (see those first letters again) “blanked” us all.

More as time permits; but this will keep you rolling. Oh and enjoy the Kiss clip; absolutely the worst song of the genre in my most humble opinion.